Yet another disappointment...

You read it right...ANOTHER disappointment on this lonely, winding road of Infertility. Here's recap of the past couple of weeks...

• After the last appointment with Dr. L, I was pretty upset and not being very faithful at that point. With Brandon's sperm count decreasing instead of increasing as we had hoped and prayed, I had really started to look out into a cloudy haze. At this point, I feel helpless and hopeful all at the same time. I can't loose hope nor faith in God, even though it is so hard to keep up right now. 
• Wednesday May 15th we started B's new HCG injections for his borderline low testosterone levels and to boost his sperm count. It was rather interesting giving someone that is frantically scared of needles, an injection, even though the needles are small and the pain minimal (or at least I would think so..I was very gentle!!)  he still thought I was diving into him with a knife. But he then realized it wasn't that bad after all and now we are fixing to be on injection #3 (tomorrow) and he took the last one like a true champ! I keep telling him he is definitely taking one for the "team"!! Ha ha!
• For about 3 weeks now I have had this super nagging and painful headache that no matter how much Tylenol or Aleve I take, it will NOT go away!! Turns out, I am assuming from the stress of numerous things, my BP is sky high. Needless to say I had hurt long enough and last Wednesday I went to the Doctor and got no help. My BP was 198/102 and before I left the office it has decreased to 158/102 which is still not good. I contacted Dr. L's office to ask about the meds he was to start me on to help with ovulation so we can "try" while Brandon is on the injections. As Dr. L had said in our last visit "If it happens, it happens!" Needless to say that my call to his office did not end well, as I definitely did NOT get the news I was hoping for once again. Our care coordinator said that Dr. L is not going to do any more treatment until my BP is completely under control and he has a letter from my Primary Care Provider stating I am cleared to do fertility treatments! After I hung up that phone call I had a terrible knot in my stomach that has yet to go away. But, this leads up to today and me finding a new Primary Care Physician because the old D.O I was going to...Well, I wont go there but thanks to her not doing anything about my BP, I am now on fertility restriction...

Today I had my first appointment with Beth...She is Dr. Kaye's ARNP but let me tell you...She is the most knowledgeable and likable person I have been to this far in our TTC journey (besides Dr. L and his staff, of course). We talked about our fertility journey and where we stood on that ground and we discussed possible causes of my terrible headaches and BP spikes. She is concerned with my kidneys and the blood flow I may or may not be receiving to them. That is a big cause of high BP and since I was diagnosed at 17 with hypertension and never had a BP workup other than just throwing medication at me, it was time to do so and check out my kidneys. I explained the extreme nausea and dizziness which could be from my high BP but also if there is a problem with my kidneys, depending on what the problem may be, I could be getting the nausea and dizziness from that. She did an EKG which checked out perfect, praise the Lord! I went this afternoon and had a full renal ultrasound and renal Doppler to check the peak flow of the arteries and veins coming to and from my kidneys. I am a little nervous about it but what ever happens will happen. Everything is meant to add to our testimony! I also have to do a 24 hour urine analysis to check numerous things that could cause my BP to increase. I am not looking forward to that since it requires me to stay home for 24 hours but hey...That means some rest time!!

I was suppose to go back to Dr. P for my IR follow up next Wednesday but I am not sure if that will be possible if I don't get cleared by then from Dr. Kaye. I pray I will but I also pray that they find whatever is causing my BP to go so extremely high and fix that problem. Pregnancy will be hard enough with high BP much less to have it uncontrolled prior and that means it will just be much worse and could cause terrible issues during pregnancy. And the Lord knows that is the very last thing I ever want. If I can get it fixed before our miracle happens, then I will do everything in my power, EVERYTHING, to get it fixed to ensure that myself and our little miracle will be A-okay! So for now, we just wait...Once again! Please keep me in your prayers and pray that they will find out what is causing this issue. Thanks a bunch!!

To add a side note...tomorrow May 22, will be 5 years since my Dad lost his life in a horrible accident. Since that time, my life and my family's life has not been the same and never will be. I could never express in words how much I miss my Dad and his laugh. I miss Sunday dinner at my Mom's, cause anyone that knew my Dad, knew he LOVED to eat and he loved Sunday dinners. I can't believe it has been 5 years already and I still grieve for him the same as the day we lost him. The only difference is I have learned how to better handle my grief, how to live with it, as it not so fresh and new anymore. It will never get better, it will only make us more numb to the pain of how much we miss him and wish to hug him and tell him how much we love him. He is gone from this life, but is living a much better, care free life with Jesus! And I will be happy to see him on the other side of this world, when that time comes! Rest in Peace Dad! You are gone but never ever forgotten!