There is light at the end of the lonely tunnel!!

As I sit here tonight and think about the happenings of this past week, I can't help but be so so extremely thankful to our amazing God, our Father! For the past 5 years (July 28th will be 5 years to the day I stopped my birth control and had my first appointment with my OB-GYN at the time) I have cried so many tears of sadness, anger, disappointment and worry. For the past 5 years I have bought roughly 120 at home pregnancy tests that have all read "negative". I would sit and wonder why I have not started my period but yet the pregnancy tests are all saying "sorry, not this time". Somewhere in these last 5 years, I have changed and became a different person. To some, it may not seem that way, but to myself I can tell vital things have changed. One mainly being my faith and my belief in our Heavenly Father (the most important change). April 20th, 2011 I gave my life to Christ again and decided that even though I was not being dealt the cards I wanted, I was being dealt the cards that God wanted me to have and I would have to learn to deal with it. It has NOT been easy sticking to my faith during all of the last 5 years and it has not been easy even since April 2011, but I can say, with Faith comes trials! Yes, even the most faithful still have trials in their lives and if they say they do not then don't believe them. God gives us trials because it makes our Faith stronger and our belief in Him stronger! Over the past 5 years, I have grown in my faith. And for that I am ever so thankful!

To start off the amazing past week, on Tuesday July 16th my best friend (more like my sister) gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Adleigh! I have never been so filled with love! She is absolutely perfect! She was born with Down's Syndrome (they had no idea) but God has put her on this earth to serve a valuable purpose! This sweet baby girl will touch so many lives and I am blessed and thankful to be able to be apart of hers!  Of course I have been enjoying all of the baby snuggles and I just can't get enough of her! When you see such miracles, how is it not possible to believe in God?

Wedneday July 17th, Brandon and I had another appointment with Dr. Lipari. This will mark our 3rd with him (because he is the Big Dog of the fertility world) so I went into this appointment a nervous wreck. I must say I had little faith, even though God has shown us so much love and promise throughout this journey. I am not sure why, but I just figured we would still have to wait "another month". When we got all settled in around the "round table" waiting on Dr. L to come in, Brandon and I sat there and didn't say a word. It was completely silent and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside that head of his. Was he scared, nervous, excited....I couldn't read him. But when Dr. L came in I knew he was nervous just as I was (to a point of making myself sick on my stomach). After all I have waited since January this year for this appointment. I have actually waited 5 years for this appointment to be exact. Dr L said how wonderfully excited he was for us to be back in this office with him for this appointment because he had some really great news and alot of information to give us. He started out with how pleased he was with the increase of Brandon's sperm and the decrease of all of my hormone levels (testosterone to be exact). He talked for a while on the importance of each and how everything goes to together (explained meds etc...). He then told us the news we have been waiting to hear "It is time to put you in a cycle, but whenever you guys are ready" (is this man crazy!! I was ready 5 years ago!! ) I told him that Brandon and I have spent 5 years discussing our options all the way to adoption. We have looked at adoption agencies and even filled out questionnaires to a few. I told him we are so ready! He then told us how it will all work and that I will need to be on birth control for 2 weeks (8 to 10 days) then sometime within the next few days our Care Coordinator, Marty, would be contacting us with all of the needed information (Excel sheet with all of the days I will need take certain meds, etc). I will go back in approximately 2 weeks for an ultrasound of my ovaries to see just how many little follicles there are and then he will give me an injection to make me ovulate within 24 hours from the time he gives it to me. From that point, we wait and come back for blood work and more ultrasounds to see if it worked or if we will have to do another cycle. I am praying and I ask you all to please pray, this cycle will work and I will finally get to hear the words "YOU ARE PREGNANT"!!

Becoming a Mother is one of the most important things I want out of this life! I want that unconditional love of being a Mother, the worry, the laughter and all of the happiness that comes with being a mother! I want the dirty diapers, the vomit, the late nights or all nighter's, the tears, the spankings, potty training that all come with being a mother! Not just the good, but the bad as well! Its a package deal and I am so ready and praying that soon I will get all of these things! I am so extremely thankful for this journey and even though it is not over yet, I can see the light at the end of the lonely tunnel. Never give up! God keeps his promises ladies! Hebrews 11:11 says “It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise.” As we all that are traveling on this journey together should believe that God will keep His promises!! Please keep praying and I ask that you please pray for my dear sweet friend Addie and her new little one Adleigh,  as Adleigh goes through testing this week! Please keep them in your prayers for positive feedback from the Doctors and for a healthy little angel baby!! 

Much Love to you all!!