The "wait" is the hardest part

Okay, so I know I have to catch everyone up on some things with our current cycle! Its been a while but I have been under the weather....seriously, under the weather. Every cycle we do, I feel like I have been ran over by a train. I am thinking that is mostly due to the fluctuation in my hormones since they go from one extreme to another. I mean, we are medically inducing a natural process after all. 

Well, aside from the allergic reaction I had to one of the injections, the cycle went pretty good. It didn't turn out as we had initially planned but I am thanking God for absolutely anything at this point! After all, He is the reason we are here and progressing. And for that I am so thankful, no matter the outcome. 

Even with the new injections and increase in dosage, I still only had one fully mature follicle. There were lots of smaller ones but the matured one dominates and kind of stops the growth of all the others. We are so thankful for this one follicle. So very thankful! 

So, the good news of the whole cycle and something that really caught us off guard is that the one follicle I had, fully matured FIVE DAYS before the anticipated date!!!!!! Yes, FIVE WHOLE DAYS!!! So our IUI was moved up 3 days sooner. It made me nervous because we were suppose to abstain from intercourse for 4 days this cycle in hopes of getting a higher total motile sperm count, but we did get to abstain for 3 days so for that we are thankful. However, Brandon's count the day of the IUI was still only 4.8 million so we are just going with that number. It is the exact same as last cycle. I have came to the conclusion that God is working something great out of this for us and with a count of 4.8 million and only one mature follicle....It will be a true miracle to get pregnant on such low numbers, but you know what? My God is in the miracle business!!! 

For now, we are still in the waiting game. I still feel like poo, but I am starting to feel a little better each day. I am trying to keep my stress level to a minimum and just relax for the next 16 days, as hard as that will be. I am suppose to be eating NO carbs however, that has been a huge task for me because even when I am just having my normal monthly visit from FLO, I crave sweets and starches! So with my hormones being so extreme, I crave these things more and it literally makes me want to crawl in a hole and stay there for the remainder of this cycle!!! 

We are so blessed with certain people who have been such a great support system for us during the past couple of years that we have actively been pursuing our dreams. I could not imagine how we would've made it this far without our faith and our support system. You all know who you are and we love you and are so thankful for you in our lives. 

My goal when I first started this blog, was to bring awareness to Infertility and those that are suffering with it. When I first boarded the "Infertility Express" I didn't have a clue what I was heading in to. No clue! Without those that are willing to share their story, I would've been so lost and clueless! I wanted to return the favor and make sure that those who are secretly suffering with infertility, know that they are NOT ever alone and there is always someone there to help you and answer your questions or offer support! This journey is shaping me into a person I never even imagined I could ever be. My faith has grown so much and for that I am ever so grateful. It makes me sad that God has to use our struggles and our sufferings to really bring His light through us, but in a lot of people, God is not fully glorified, if glorified at all, through our good times and our triumphs. I have made a pledge with myself, that even though God may not answer my prayers or give me the desires of my heart, I will still love and glorify Him in all aspects of my life. After all, He is the final Judge and I want Him to be proud of me and the decisions I made, the life I chose to live! 

Please keep Brandon and I in your prayers as we wait! Please pray specifically that I will remain calm and stress free throughout the next 16 days. I do not want any unwanted hormones released that may cause the baby not to attach to my uterine wall! So please pray that this is the end to our wait! That our dreams will finally come true and our prayers for a little miracle baby will be answered!! We love you all and are so thankful for each one of you and your prayers!!!

The next step!

WOW! It's been quite a while since my last post! 4 weeks to the date, to be exact! It has been really nice to take a break from treatment, from blogging, from certain people (as rude as that sounds) and from some of the stressful aspects of my life and to just focus on my school work, our new church, my life group and my family! It has been refreshing. However, this baby isn't going to make itself, so it is time to get the show back on the road. Here is a recap for those of you just joining me on this journey! I know there are some newbies and I want everyone to know our whole story!

• July 28, 2008 is the day we started trying to conceive. We started with the OBGYN and tracked things from there but 2 years went by and NOTHING. 
• November 2010 I started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist at Shands UF. Rather than focus on the fact I have been trying to conceive with no luck for over 2 years, she focused on the reality that I may have endometrial cancer, preventing pregnancy and causing the terrible random bleeding I endured. So I went through an endometrial biopsy (extremely painful due to the endometrial lining being so thick) and it turned out I did not have cancer (PTL). Lab work indicated Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which would explain the abnormal cycles I had, excess hair growth on my face and no baby. The doctor ordered a Semen Analysis at this time for Brandon and he refused to get it done for reasons unknown to me at the time. So I left it alone.
• We endured the next 2 years with the RE at Shands with no success due to the Doc being more concerned about me being overweight than helping with my infertility. I was told 10 to 20 lbs would get my cycles back to normal and I could possibly get pregnant on my own...WRONG!
• September 2012 I started seeing a Bariatric physician who helped me lose close to 60 lbs in about 4 months. Well...Still no baby...Normal cycles, yes, but still no baby.
• January 2013 we started going to our Reproductive specialist we are currently with now. Over the past 14 months we have endured extensive testing, more testing, lab work, bad news, testing of our faith, one failed timed intercourse cycle with injections and oral medications, finding out I have a genetic disorder that could prevent healthy pregnancies and cause miscarriages, 2 failed intrauterine insemination cycles...one with injections and oral medications and one they call a minimal stimulation cycle with 2 injections and oral medications. Brandon's sperm count has went from barely 5 million to 129 million back down to 4 million over the course of the past 12 months.

So, here we are. Five years and 8 months later. Still pursuing our dream...Our miracle! I am so thankful that God has given us the strength, peace of mind and financial ability to pursue our Miracle!!

 Last week, Brandon had another SA done and I had an appointment with Dr. L and really got a whole new outlook on this entire journey from here on out (well, I would say this came from lots and lots of constant prayer). We have a whole new plan of treatment because I have quit responding to some of the medication we have used prior. I am ever so thankful for such an amazing Doctor. I could never thank him enough for being so compassionate and caring about his patients and for the desire we have.

Today, I had my baseline ultrasound to check and make sure everything looks good and we are safe to move forward with the cycle. Everything looked great, other than my ovaries looking very polycystic, but she wasn't concerned and said we are clear to move forward. Saturday I will stop my birth control (used only to keep the cysts off of my ovaries and to give me the estrogen I need) and wait for a break through bleed somewhere around Tuesday. Next Friday I will take an at home pregnancy test and if it is negative, Saturday I will take all of my oral medication. We go back in about a week and a half to check and see how things are looking. Then we will have to bring out the big guns...The new injections! I am scared of how I will feel since every cycle has made me feel terrible and has caused so much pain. Since the new injection is to stimulate my ovaries to make more eggs, I can only imagine what I will feel like, but you know...My God is bigger than anything and will not give me any more than I can handle. After all, look at how far He has brought us!!

Without putting Jesus Christ first in my life and really growing in my faith recently, I would never be able to write this blog. I would never be able to say that I am content right now and that God WILL make me a Mother! Do not give up on pursuing your dreams because you are afraid! Do not let fear stand in the way of doing what God has set up for you to do! I am right where God wants me to be right now at this point in my life. I definitely wouldn't consider that selfish my friends!! I am being obedient!! God does NOT make mistakes in our lives. He has it planned out well before we were created. He loves us in a way you could never imagine and never wants us to hurt or be sad. He wants us to live a life of happiness and  joy. But does that mean we will never experience hardship, pain, sadness, anger, financial problems, family problems, etc....?? Heck no!! Look at what Jesus had to endure! We are definitely not better than Jesus, so our problems are nothing compared to what He experienced.

If any of you take anything from reading my blog I want it to be this....

God is in control of every aspect of our lives. Whether you believe in God or not, He still has control! If you give Him your life, you will go far! I have endured so much hardship, infertility not being the only one either. But every thing we experience adds a spark of flavor and depth to our testimony and our overall story that God has written! If you are experiencing any hardship whether its infertility, marriage or financial problems, problems at work or just a plain ole' jacked up life...GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! He is in control of it all, just pray and let Him do what He has planned. It makes it much easier when we go with His flow instead of fighting it. Its like trying to avoid a spanking as a child...The more you run around the house acting crazy, trying to avoid it, the worse it is when your Mom or Dad actually catch up to you and spank your ever loving butt! God just sits back and watches us run around acting crazy trying to avoid the flow of His plans for us. But once we give in and let it just happen, its so much easier than putting up a fight.

I will keep you all updated as we continue on! Please please please be in prayer for us!! This cycle is our last resort before IVF. Of course we can do this type of IUI cycle as many times as we feel necessary, however there is nowhere to go except IVF from here. So please, please pray that we will be blessed with our little miracle come April! Thank you all for the love and support you have given us!! I love you all!!