One blessing at a time

Well....For those that are following our journey, we have gotten some really great news (or so we think anyways)!! No, I am not pregnant (or I could be but we don't know yet) but I did get my progesterone levels back yesterday and the level is 20.9!!!! Which means that I without a doubt ovulated last week with the injections!! YAY!!!! Such an answered prayer!!! Of course it may not seem like a big deal to some of you but let me just tell you...ITS A BIG DEAL!!!! Another blessing from our ever so faithful Father!!!

 Now, we just have to continue to pray and we will go back to the Doctor on Wednesday for the BIG DAY!!! They will draw my blood to check for HcG and see if I am pregnant. Of course I will not find out right away...(UGH RARRRRR) but I should definitely know by the end of the day Wednesday.  In order to respect my emotions and whatever else that day, I will not be posting the outcome of that appointment right away. I know that I have a lot of readers and I am ever so thankful and blessed to have each and every one of you tuning in to what is the most emotional journey of our lives, but I know that it is very early in, when we do get a positive test and many many things can happen in a very short amount of time. Now now...You wont have to wait too long...Just until we know for sure whether or not my levels will continue to rise and be at a healthy place to say....I am definitely pregnant!!!

The past couple of days have been somewhat of a roller coaster, emotionally. As I sit to prepare myself for the best or the worst next Wednesday and I think of all of the amazing things that God has done this far for us, I can't help but think of a sweet family that will be laying their 3 month old baby boy to rest tomorrow. My heart is so heavy and I could never imagine their pain. Yes, I have lost a lot of my loved ones in my family, but to have to say "see you later" to your precious little miracle, is just beyond me. I always turn to my faith in times like this. When my Dad was killed, the only thing going through my mind was "WHY?" and I got 22 years with my Dad.It was the worst thing I have ever gone through in my whole entire life. To have to say "WHY?" after 3 months with your sweet little one would have to be a pain so unbearable. I can't help but pray so hard that God will give them comfort, peace and understanding through such a terrible time in their lives. God is our ultimate comforter. He will wrap his loving arms around us in times like this. He loves us!! We may not see everything in perspective right now but along the way, we will definitely see it!

So, to all of my peeps, please keep this sweet family in your prayers! Keep praying for myself and Brandon as we try to stay calm and not be all stressed awaiting the results of next Wednesdays blood test!!! Thank you all so much for your support and love during this ever so difficult time for us!! And remember "Some miracles come soon; Some come late; And some don't come until Heaven; But for those that embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, THEY COME"!!!! Such an amazing and truthful reminder! Chat with you all soon!!!

P.S...Don't we all wish we had a fairy Godmother!!!! Cinderella was a lucky chick!! I could sure put that magic wand to use!!! ha ha!!

Waiting is the hardest part....

It has been a while since I have poured myself into this blog...I am sorry...It has been a rough past couple of weeks. Emotional...yes...mentally...yes...physically...yes....It has been rough!!!

On August 10th, I took (10) Letrizol to jump start the follicle making. On Sunday August 11th, I started feeling very nauseated and had a terrible bout of extreme dizziness and light headed. I figured it was from the medication so I trucked on and waited until our appointment for our first ultrasound to see how many maturing follicles we had. So on August 14th, we went in for our first official appointment to see how mature my follicles were and low and behold we had FIVE! It was very exciting and very emotional to see all the fluid filled little sacs that contained all of my eggies (aka..Potential Baby Luther). To see my husband sitting in the chair watching the screen and getting a huge smile on his face with watery eyes, just absolutely made my heart melt. It definitely is the start to something wonderful!

So we went back on August 16th to check again...They had grown significantly and there was definitely 4 that would hopefully be mature by Monday the 19th for the Doctor to release my eggs for ovulation. Well, I wasn't as "easy" as I should have been over the weekend and on Monday morning we had our next ultrasound (usually the last) to check for exact size of the follicles. Well, I am still so blessed by even the news of only being 2 definite and 1 maybe that would be mature enough to be released. Of course I cried because 4 sure sounded best, but it only takes ONE! So aside from the fact two follicles had disappeared due to me not taking it easy and probably stressing way more than I should have, WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN THIS FAR!!!!

Of course the plan was not on track for releasing these babies on Monday the 19th, nor Tuesday the 20th because they wanted them to get as big as they could before giving me the injection of HcG to release them. I was of course, a nervous wreck and still am for that matter. I had to stay in bed due to the injection giving me an awful reaction at the injection site and causing a softball size knot to appear with a red and feverish spot the size of a softball on the outside of my stomach. I had to focus on timed intercourse (TMI I know but hey this is a blog about our quest to become parents so duh...That is how babies get here!!) and laying with my pelvis tilted...It was a whirlwind of a week for me. I have been so dizzy and since the oral medication and the injection I have had the worst migraine ever of my life. But I keep looking at the prize!!! OUR BABY!!! OUR MIRACLE!!! OUR BLESSING FROM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST!!! That is what keeps me from having a total meltdown and just sitting and crying about it all. I WILL be a Mommy!! I know it!!

Tuesday this week (August 27th) I will go back for another appointment for them to see if I actually ovulated (released all of the mature eggs). Then on September 4th they will draw my blood to see if I am actually PREGNANT!! Oh em Gee!!!! Waiting on this date is the hardest and the longest part of this whole journey we have been on for the last 5 years and 1 month. I have taken a pregnancy test every month for the past 5 years and this time, I will be sitting it out and waiting on the Doctor's office to tell me the dreaded "NO" or the ever so prayed for "YES"! God has been so good to us! This whole journey may be coming to an end very soon and I must say if I could go back and change anything I definitely wouldn't. I would've found Jesus way before I did because He has been my strength along with my husband through this entire roller coaster. It is amazing at the friendships I have made just from talking about this very common thing we call "Infertility"! Some are ashamed and will not talk about it or offer a helping hand to others that are on this journey, but I feel if I can help someone to better understand Infertility as a whole, then God is working in me to do just that!! I am sure I will be updating this week, just to get stuff off of my chest since I am already a nervous wreck about what is or isn't going on in my uterus right now...I wish I could call down there and ask the receptionist is there any visitors hanging out on the uterine lining for the next 9 months!!! ha ha!! Hey, a girl can wish, Jack!!! I love you all and thank you for your prayers!! Keep them coming, as we will definitely be needing them!!!

A sick kind of day...UGH

So, as I sit here in the bed not feeling well at all...(Saturday was the day I had to take my oral fertility medication) I figured pouring myself into my blog would be the best way to get over the blues of this process.
The happenings of this past week has really made me sit and ponder on what could happen in my very near future. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure when I was 17 years old. Genetic, YES. My Dad always had really high blood pressure that he chose to do nothing about. It runs in my family. With that being said, preeclampsia is a possibility of course in every pregnancy. I seem to believe it is a little more possible in my pregnancy or pregnancies, due to the fact I do have high blood pressure prior to becoming pregnant.It has been a fear ever since we started trying to become pregnant, over 5 years ago now. But I have remember that being fearful is without faith. I have to keep the faith and know that God will take care of me during this pregnancy we are praying for this month. God is good ALL of the time.
I must say I am a little nervous about our appointment tomorrow. I go for my first official ultrasound of my little eggies to see how many there are and how big they are getting!! After all, they only have T minus 7 days to be big enough to get fertilized!! They better get on the ball! It makes it all surreal to finally be in a cycle and finally be on the road to becoming parents very soon!! I will update tomorrow again after our appointment with how big our little follicles are getting and how far we are progressing!! YAY! So exciting! Even though the meds are making me feel like I have been ran over by a Mac truck, I am still excited and I know this will all be worth it one sweet day!! Hopefully and prayerfully very soon!

Blessed be the day

As I sit here tonight I can only be so grateful that God has been so good to me when I am so undeserving. This past week we had another appointment (August 1st). Since things are a "GO" for this first (and last hopefully and God willing) cycle we have been praying for, I have lots of ultrasounds that are in my near future and that happened to be the very first one. We got to the office and they took me back to the imaging room and only being the second time I have been in this dreaded room, I was over come with emotions this time. As you walk into these rooms, there are medium sized flat screen TV's on the wall of each room. These are most definitely meant for happy, blessed new Mommy's and Daddy's to see their sweet little miracles. I sat there waiting (not for very long) and imagined how I will feel on the day we go in and get to see our sweet little miracle right before our very eyes on those same TV screens. Such an emotional thing to think about when you have been waiting 5 years and 6 days  to be able to see that tiny little miracle on a stick or a screen for that matter. Blessed be the day!

Any hoo, one of the ARNP's came in and she did the ultrasound to check for cysts and follicles on my ovaries. There was nothing at all on my right ovary (PTL!! The many many cysts that once surrounded both ovaries are GONE thanks to meds and proper PCOS nutrition!!) and 2 pretty good sized black dots on my left ovary that could either be cysts or follicles. The only way to tell is to do a blood test checking for a certain hormone that cysts produce. After a long over night wait for a STAT blood test, the levels came back great and we get to stay on track with the current calendar for this months cycle!!! The big black spots are most likely follicles (yay) so we will be getting a "lefty" this month!! Ha ha!

To back track a little, the beginning of last week I received an email with a calendar for the whole month of August, some consent forms and lab work orders. On the calendar there are numerous exciting dates (the 19th and 20th are intercourse days so those of course are EXCITING!! ha ha) for the month but the most exciting will be August 27th! That is the day we go back and I will have my blood drawn to see if the cycle worked this month. To see if I am PREGGO!!! Just the idea that the day is only almost 23 days away makes me extremely nervous and semi sick to my stomach. I have waited so long for this day to come and I am so thankful that God has blessed us all along this journey with faith and financial means to pursue this rather expensive process to become parents! So long story short....This month is going to be exciting with great news come August 27th! Please keep praying for this month to be "OUR MONTH"!! God is definitely working!!

Before I close this post tonight, I want to close with a little something for someone that may read this post and be thinking "Why in the world is this girl putting all of her personal life out there for the world to see?" Well, to be honest I feel that by writing this very real blog, I will help someone, even if it is just one person, that is going through the same things we have gone through for the last 5 years. That someone like myself, who has avoided friends, places, parties, etc...Because of the emotional toll pregnant friends, kids birthday parties, baby showers, etc...have on someone who is going through infertility. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Through this journey, God has placed people in my life that never would have been in my life had it not been for this journey. Life long friends. I have a better understanding of each aspect of this journey by having to type the details out for each and every one that reads this blog. I feel that God chose me to help someone in need of better understanding infertility and PCOS, through my blog and to help me grow in my relationship with Him and on my journey to being a better Christian. I am so thankful and not ashamed one bit of what I tell you. I am blessed to be able to get the opportunity to share our story and to hopefully and prayerfully, help someone else on their journey to becoming parents as well.

Stay tuned for more exciting happenings this month!! August IS our month!! Keep us in your prayers!!