When will be God's time for us?

Over the past week, a lot has happened....Yesterday, my husband woke up and wasn't feeling well. He could tell his heart rate was extremely fast and not beating in a normal sinus rhythm so we immediately called his Cardiologist. They recommended he come in for an EKG immediately so off to Gainesville we went. Once we got there he was in Atrial Fibrillation. He went into A Fib back in June and they had to give his heart an electrical shock to put it back into normal rhythm. The Doctor that was available looked it over and came in not even 5 minutes later and told us he had already called over to the hospital and that Brandon needed to get over there immediately for another cardioversion. At this point, once again, both of us are scared. Of course Brandon was scared, he is 27 years old and having heart problems....Its scary at any age but we are too young for this right?? WRONG! Things like this know no boundaries.

We got to the ER and they checked him in, sent him back to the Interventional Observation Unit where they keep patients who undergo cardiac catherizations, stress tests, etc...A very nice, lady cardiologist came in and explained what she would be doing and that Brandon would have to be on some more medications to keep his heart in rhythm, hopefully. She said if it goes back out of rhythm again, we will need to consider other options such as a Cardiac Ablation, where they will go in and burn out a small part inside the heart where the arrhythmia is occurring. We are praying it will not get to this point. Please keep him in your prayers. He is feeling much better, a little tired and dizzy from the new medications they have him on. He will have to go back next week for another EKG to make sure everything is okay and then he will have a follow up with his cardiologist in the beginning of November.

Today....well....today was our pregnancy test....

The Intrauterine Insemination we did this month did not take. We are not pregnant....again....

I am heart broken to say the least. How much more can I take? I am trying so hard to keep all the faith in the world, and I do know that God will give me a baby in His time, but I can't help but question "When is God's time for us?" I know, I know...We are NOT to question God's perfect timing. Today, I have questioned a lot of things I shouldn't. I know that God has put me on this path for a reason. The last 5 years have been the hardest years of my whole life, so far... and I pray I never have to relive a single moment of them. I have been dealing with the death of my Daddy, being infertile and wanting a baby so bad it almost kills me....What more can I handle? God will not give us more than we can handle but as the saying goes, He is trusting me way too much....I really tried all month to not get my hopes up...And I thought I was doing a good job of it...until I got that dreaded phone call this afternoon and I completely lost it...It hit me so hard this month for some reason. I will make it through as I have every month for the last 5 years and 2 months. I will get through this with my husband right by my side, God in my heart and some amazing people God has placed in my life. People who are genuine and truly care about our situation and want this for us as much as we want it. People who feel the emotions right along with us. People who have and will be there for us the rest of this journey and long after this one is over and a new one begins. People who do not make excuses about not having time to call or come by and show concern due to work and other activities they plan that seem to be more important than family...(sorry had to throw that in there because this really gets to me). People that I am ever so grateful we have in our lives. I could never thank God enough for them and their friendships and their love and concern for us.

So, I will take time to process this. I will cry as I have all afternoon. I will question, but I know the answers are far beyond this world. The lesson I have learned this week is never take the ones you love for granted. I have been so caught up in our infertility and our IUI this month, I have over looked a lot things and my husband has been one of those things. As I have always said, God sometimes uses tragedy/sickness/etc...to make us see what is most important in life...To wake us up! This has been so clear to me. I am so thankful that God kept Brandon safe and healed his heart. I am so thankful that he is okay. I could never be able to live without him. He has been the love of my life for over 12 years now. He is my best friend and to see him sick tears me up. I love him so much and no matter how long we have been trying to have a family, nothing matters more than him being here to share our life together...Absolutely NOTHING!

We are scheduled to go back to meet with Dr. L about another route for this journey, something more aggressive. We will continue to pray that God will bless us with our little miracle and soon. We know that He will bless us. It is learning to be patient and just wait on Him that is the challenging part. I want to thank you all for praying for us. And for praying for Brandon. You are all apart of our journey and I appreciate the love and support. God is still good and God is still God. No matter the outcome of today, there is always another month. God will prevail in this for us. And for those of you on this journey too, He will get you there as well! Do not give up...As I have not. Keep going and just wait on the Lord.