It has almost been a year since I last blogged here....January 17, 2015...WOW
So much has changed since then....
I started the RN program in January 2015, made straight A's, got the Dean's list a couple times and the President's list once for a perfect 4.0 GPA....I really enjoyed it!
Lets fast forward....
Our last fertility treatment cycle has been a year and a half ago...almost 2 years! How can that be? It feels like yesterday! The break at first was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life...Honestly...I wondered "what if we had done one more cycle?" "Would we already have a baby?" "What would life be like now if we hadn't stopped?".....Let me just say, it was the BEST decision we ever made for our marriage, our life in general, our sex life (majorly!!), my spiritual life and my walk with Jesus!
Towards the end of Summer, my brother and sister in law found out that they were expecting a baby...Heartbroken? I was shattered...I tried so hard to be happy and excited because they were and so was my family. After all, we were getting a new baby in our family! But for someone who has experienced infertility for more than 7 years...It wasn't exciting or happiness I felt...It was anger, bitterness, jealousy....Yes...Jealousy...I couldn't understand how someone who wasn't even trying for a baby could just be blessed with one! I cried out to God and asked "Why not me?" for 3 weeks straight...My husband told me that if I didn't snap out of whatever I was in, we were going to a doctor because it wasn't healthy for me to feel so depressed...But my dreams were coming true through my brother....The hardest thing in the world to watch is your dreams unfold in someone else's life...I am not ashamed nor afraid to admit it! But during the 4 weeks that I prayed constantly for answers, God spoke to me in a dream...I have shared this dream with many of my family and friends but I want to share it with my readers too! Because THIS my friends is what shows GOD is FAITHFUL! He takes care of us! And He answers prayers!
So the dream I had took place in Bass Pro Shops....Yes people! Bass Pro Shops! There is a new store opening up this year in a town close to my home town so I immediately thought WOW at that simple detail...My husband and I were there, he was over in the men's clothing section and I was in the women's section when I saw a friend of mine and her Mother and began to talk with them. My friends Mother began signaling for Brandon to come over and here he came through the clothes with a baby carrier strapped to the front of his body. When he got to us my friend and her Mom began to look into the carrier and smile and "ooooh and awwww" over whatever was in it...Brandon took out this baby GIRL and handed her to me as she was beginning to get fussy. I looked at her face and she was the perfect combination of Brandon and I! The most perfect baby girl in this world! So small yet so fierce! I began to walk away from them with the baby and the diaper bag toward the bathroom area where I fed her and changed her. I could actually FEEL her breastfeeding in this dream! It was the most real dream I have ever experienced. But I knew when I awoke, that was my God showing me not to give up on my miracle! That He was going to give me a baby! To quit being sad and rejoice in the life he has given to our family through my neice! Be happy and excited!
From that day forward my whole life changed! I went shopping for the first time without tears or an anxiety attack, in the baby section! I didn't feel sad because I was longing for this for myself! I was excited to be buying stuff for my sweet little niece on the way! That my friends, was a MAJOR deal for me! First time in 7 years I could shop and be happy IN THE BABY SECTION! Wow! God is awesome!
Now, a few months later I am sitting here typing this blog post with so much joy in my heart I can't even put it into words! 7 years, 3 months and 6 days after stopping birth control and seeing a doctor, I AM FINALLY PREGNANT!!
Yes you read it right! I AM PREGNANT! I am currently 13 weeks, 1 day pregnant with a perfect and healthy baby! All thanks to my God! He will get ALL the glory for this my friends! We did no treatments, no medications, no timed intercourse, no schedule, no calendar, no trigger shot, no temps, NO NOTHING!!!! God is good and He is the reason for this miracle!!!
Back in September I was told that my chances of getting pregnant were about 5% or less because my uterus was in really bad shape. I had been bleeding non stop since June, had terrible crippling pain in my pelvis and was awaiting surgery for polyp removal and a D&C! That surgery had been rescheduled due to the doctor needing to do it at the hospital rather than the surgery center. ALL GOD!! Had I had the D&C I wouldn't have gotten pregnant when I did! ALL IN GODS TIME!!!!
No doctor can tell you what your final destiny is....No doctor can tell you that you will never be a Mother and you will never get pregnant, unless of course there is an anatomical issue like missing tubes or ovaries etc...No doctor can tell you what God cannot do! Because ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!! That has never been more true to me than it is right now at this point in my life! I let God take over and fight my battle for me! And that is exactly what He did! He gave me peace and happiness over a situation I never thought my heart would heal from...And now He has given me the greatest gift of all....A precious, miracle baby! Our rainbow after the storm!
I will continue to blog some throughout this pregnancy to keep everyone updated! For those reading who still have yet to have their prayers answered for their Rainbow, keep praying! Do not give up! When someone tells you "It's in God's time and not ours" BELIEVE THEM! Waiting is the most difficult thing in the world! Waiting on the unknown is even harder! After 7 years I should be a pro at waiting but it is still a challenge for me to this day! But please do not give up! Keep pouring your heart out to Jesus! He hears you! He loves you! He loves you more than anyone could ever love you on this earth! He feels what you feel! When you cry, He cries! Do not give up!
Please keep us in your prayers for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby! I am high risk due to some preexisting conditions.
** Only a little over a week and we will be able to put a name to that sweet little face on our ultrasounds!!
Much love and many prayers~
Kristie
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