Yes, "Mother's" Day...The day we celebrate our Mothers, Grandmothers and...being a Mother...Well, not us infertile ladies....It happens to be a sad day for us...It reminds us of what we don't have. It reminds us of the control we don't have over our bodies. It reminds us that our dreams are yet to be fulfilled. It is a big, stinky day of "reminders" for us.
That was just how I saw Mother's Day for the past 5 years. I dreaded it. I actually hated it (God says we shall not hate, but to be honest, He knows how bad I really really didn't like Mothers Day). I celebrate my Mother, my Grandmother and my Aunt of course. 3 women who have had a major impact in my life. I celebrate the fact that my best friend is the most amazing Mother there is and I pray I can one day be just a portion of the Mother she is. There is so much to celebrate, even in the midst of the pain I feel.
Ever since I found Jesus in 2011, my life has not been easy by no means. But I have a peace about the things that are happening in my life. Whereas before I didn't feel there was any hope at all for me. I didn't want to wake up the next day many nights because I was so miserable. I suffered from an intense level of grief from losing my Dad so tragically. I suffered an intense level of grief for the baby I have yet to conceive and meet. I felt like a failure for quitting school and deciding to let my husband follow his dream of starting his own business. I felt like a failure for not being able to give my husband a child of his own. I-felt-like-a-huge-FAILURE! But then one day, I realized something....There are people in this world and even in our little town that have been through some amazingly tragic, tough times and they have a relationship with Jesus Christ and they have HOPE! I wanted that. I wanted to not feel so depressed and sad all the time. So I made the decision to ask God to forgive me for my past and for a chance to start new with a new heart filled with joy, hope, faith and happiness. A chance for a new path in this life and to understand the journey I am on. God gave me HOPE! He gave me a second chance! There are still days where I do not feel very much like a Christian because I doubt, I get angry, I say bad words when I get angry and I above all else, worry my self to death. But if we were to never have a bad day or a bad time in our lives, even as Christians, we would never need God!
With that said, this Mother's Day is a new one for me! I have learned that being a Mother is not just bringing a tiny human into this world through birth. Being a Mother is bringing life to anyone! If you meet a stranger and you say something nice to them, you have brought them a since of what life is all about. That is being a Mother. Motherhood is a desire that God gives each and everyone of us women. He gives it to us, not just to have a child of our own. He gives it to us, so that we can breathe life into this world and Mother his creation! Being a Mother in the image of God is bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path. Being a mother is teaching good things. Not just to a child in which she bore but to anyone who crosses her path! Each and everyone of us, has a Mother's heart!!
For the past 6 years I have put a child I have yet to conceive above all else in my life. He/she has been my number one priority in everything I have done. That my friends, is the heart of Mother.
This Mother's Day, please remember those that are grieving this day. Say a prayer for the Mother's who have lost a baby whether it be through a miscarriage or a baby that was born and left too soon. Say a prayer for those that are doing everything in their power to conceive a child. No one knows these paths and the hurt and pain that are on them, unless you have walked in them yourself. Celebrate your Mother, Grandmothers, Aunts and friends. Having a baby and being a "Mom" is one of the greatest blessings one could ever receive! Having a Mother's heart is knowing that is true!
Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mother's out there reading this post! Even the ones like me, who is still trying...Happy Mother's Day!!
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