I haven't been as diligent with blogging lately as I initially was. Maybe it is because this whole journey is burning me out...Sometimes I just need a breather away from everything "fertility" related. Usually a day or two but not weeks. Man I am slacking!
Okay, so I wanted to update everyone where we stand right now with our treatments and cycles, etc.
We are currently taking a much needed break from treatments. We are still taking the medications however we are not going in for the many ultrasounds and pokes and prods. We are just hanging out at home, trying to re find one another. Infertility is hard on the individuals experiencing it by all means. But, it can take its toll on your marriage and other relationships as well. And let me just say, my marriage and the relationship my husband and I have, has definitely did a nose dive into the dirt over the past few years. The main issue isn't really the infertility. Its mainly family issues that continue to plague us year after year due to jealousy and enviousness and just plain sickness. I have never seen people, especially family (in my case...extended family would be more appropriate because I do not consider for the most part "family") try to ruin a young marriage but boy oh boy was I wrong! So, we will deal with what we have to, cut out what we have to, do whatever in our power to make this work. After all, we still love each other...We just have to find the romance and erotic pleasure we once had, prior to baby making and doctors. All of the "fun" of sex just goes away when you are on a calendar every single month. Its the spur of the moment sex that makes my heart go pitter patter...Not the "Get in here, we are on CD 15 and need to be doing the baby dance". Even if you aren't in the mood, you learn to "lay there" and take one for the team. Well, it gets unhealthy and causes arguments and disagreements...So we have decided to put our marriage and our relationship up front for the moment. After all, who wants to bring a baby into a screwed up relationship situation...NOT US!
I have stayed in contact with our care coordinator about our next steps. I have not given a start date but we are shooting for July or August to start back our treatments. However, I need to be doing some major No Carbing before and I have lost my will power to do it. I am addicted to food...bottom line...I always have been. Everything we do is planned around breakfast, lunch or dinner plans. Most healthy food tastes like crap. So I stick to what I know and it gets boring. So then I fall off the wagon only to be drug behind it with road rash to remind me of the struggle (LOL). I gotta figure something out before I gain back the 50 lbs I lost last year.
I will be randomly updating with a few different types of posts. I want to share my testimony with everyone who reads and follows my blog and our journey. God has gotten me where I am today and has gotten me to be able to write about our journey, in hopes of helping others. My goal from the beginning, as I have said a million times, was to just "BE REAL"! I am being as real and I possibly can because I want everyone to know what it is really like, not sugar coated or fancied up. This is real life. The real life of Kristie and Brandon and our journey to become parents. It isn't a great journey, but it is ours. This is what God chose for us to endure temporarily (because I know He will bless us with a baby).
Thank you all for always asking for updates and emailing questions or concerns you have. I LOVE LOVE LOVE answering your questions and providing feedback to your situations. I love you all and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers. Please keep them coming. We are still on the journey. We have not given up and never will until the fat lady sings...Well, really until God says so. But we have NOT given up! We are just taking a breather! Treatments are intense and costly. We have been aggressively being treated for over a year and half with no breaks. Prior to that, I was being aggressively treated for 3 years, with no breaks. So it is time for a break. And it is okay to take a break every now and again. You have to find yourself in all the hustle and bustle of infertility treatments. Do not give up either!!
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