This morning was Brandon's second semen analysis and more blood work for him (poor little thing..lol). You would think with him being 6'8" tall and 300 lbs of lean, mean loving machine...He wouldn't be such a big titty!! He absolutely hates needles, of any kind! So of course it was like he was getting his teeth pulled out of his head this morning, but he survived. Praise the Lord for that because I felt like neither of us was going to survive that horrible traffic in Jacksonville at 8am this morning!! Oh my goodness!! It was horrible! Plus the flooding rain didn't help! I am not the best passenger in a car anyways, but this morning I can tell you my amazing husband was ready to straight up pull the plug on me! But thankful we went and came home safely! FYI: The results of today will be back by Thursday for our BIG appointment with Dr. L (if you could only hear the fear in my voice as I say that...).
Today was really just a run through Dr. L's office. Of course we got the normal welcome from the fabulous staff that work there! I haven't been there many times yet, but I love them all! They are so friendly and gracious! They really make you feel better about being there and getting all poked and prodded on. Brandon got some paper work for his blood work right when we first got there and signed in for his semen analysis and of course with me being the file cabinet (my purse anyways) he gives it to me, which I am glad he does because he will definitely lose them. I glance over them and notice a diagnosis....(I of course at that moment pray to God that whatever it may be, it is fixable). He has testosterone deficiency. Praise the good Lord above it IS treatable with meds of course. The nurse told me not to worry. Dr. L works miracles and he can fix almost any situation. Of course we will find out the complete down low about everything, including my blood work and everything about Brandon's semen analysis, but just to hear her say not to worry sure made me feel a little better.
Anyone going through infertility knows that everywhere you go, no matter where it is, the only thing usually on your mind is "baby baby baby"! You see everyone that has that cute little baby bump or even that very huge baby bump! It is like they just flock to you because you so badly want what they have and feel. Brandon got out to pump gas this morning on our way back home from Jacksonville and at the McDonald's next to the gas station, I saw 2 pregnant ladies....Of course, like always I got teary eyed but then I imagined what it would feel like if I were the one toting around that little bundle of joy in my belly....And of course that made me smile. I read in my devotional the other day, that until we let go of our fear and worry not, we can't fully accept and see what God is doing in our lives. The fear and worry takes over our whole lives. Every bit of it, day in and day out. I completely understood that this morning as I sat there in the car watching these Mommies next door. Until I let go of the fear and worry of never being able to hear the words "you are pregnant", never getting to feel that kick, of never getting to hear the words "I love you Mommy"....Until I let go of all of the fear and worry, I can't fully see what God is doing currently in my life! This will be a process but starting today, I am going to try my best to not worry so much and turn the fear over to the Lord himself! It is not my fear anymore! The Devil puts fear and worry in our hearts! I have to stop letting him! I WILL be a Mommy one day!! When the Lord see's it is the right time! I just have to fully get that into my heart and mind!
So for now, that is how today has come and gone! For those of you who are making this journey too...Dont give up! OUR time is coming!! And we will be riding that blessed Mommy train too!!
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