Sleepless night

Tonight is definitely a "sleepless" one...Stinks, yes...But a lot on my mind (hint it is 2:57am, ugh!!!) I have never been more nervous about going to the doctor. Usually it is a relief to get an appointment to see the Dr because usually it is for some type of illness or to get some meds renewed....But this appointment gives us the results of all of our tests, to see if we will become parents in the near future (or just the future in general). It is super scary for me. I know that Brandon has some issues that will require some medication and I of course will have to take some meds to make me ovulate due to my PCOS, but I pray it is nothing more than that (fingers crossed).

During this journey, I have met some pretty amazing people. God has a way of putting people into your life, at the absolute perfect time! I have never seen anything like it...Of course I never will because our God is the One and the Only and He is an awesome God! When I first started my job, I knew I was gonna hate it! I had it all figured out...It was just not gonna be for me! Then my Grandmother got real sick 3 weeks after I started and I had to take off a few days to deal with her being in the hospital and I had to be there when the doctors came in so that I could hear exactly what was going on with her and what the next steps were for her. Little did I know that over the next 10 months to a year, I would need to be off work A LOT more because she was consistently getting sick and having to be hospitalized. When my Dad was killed, that left only myself and my younger brother to take care of her. After all, my Dad's whole family with the exception of my Grandma and my Great Grandmother (Granny Perry) has all passed away....A whole family, just gone way too soon...(and my poor Grandma had 4 children and all have died tragic deaths as well as my Papoose who died of Cancer at a very young age also) So, with a 23 year old brother, I would have to say that really leaves only myself to take care of her. He has been more help over the last couple of months and I must say I am so thankful for that. It can be very overwhelming to be my age, a newly wed, on the TTC/infertility journey, still grieving, working a full time job and attending school online full time time AND having to take care of my ill Grandma all at the same time....Help was very much needed! Many times I had breakdowns at work and I am not one to cry in front of people I dont know. But some days, the tears wouldn't stop coming. I was angry and upset all at the same time, that all of my Aunts and my Uncle plus my Dad have all left me to take on what they should be here doing. But I know that God had that all planned out. He knew I am strong enough to handle it and He knew that I would need Him during all of it! But what He also knew, was I would be needing supportive people in my life as well and that is where He put my Supervisors and my awesome co-workers! I never would've thought at any point that I would consider these ladies like part of my extended family! They have all been so amazing in everything, from my fertility appointments to having to be off to take care of my ill Grandma. So supportive! And I thank God for them all! God is awesome. Bottom line! He has an ultimate plan for each and every one of us and He puts people in our lives for a specific reason and purpose.

My BFF Addie J, now she is one of those friends who is definitely my Sister! She is more like family to me than most! No, actually she IS my family! The sister that was switched at birth! Without her and all of our talks and cries and laughs...I will probably not be able to write this blog. She has been the support that I needed for so many years. She is one that knows exactly what to say ( and I must thank her Nonnie who is in Heaven celebrating with Jesus because most of her encouraging words are things her Nonnie used to tell her as a young girl/teenager)! My life would not be complete without her! And I am so thankful that the Lord crossed our paths some 5 years ago now!

Okay okay...I am done blabbering on about all the people who are there for me on a daily basis! There are more, like my Aunt Lynne...needless to say she is more like my sister than my aunt and has been there for me in any way, shape or form since I was little! I know I can always count on her for everything! Since I have now typed a small memoir I think I may try to get some sleep ( I know you are saying "Thank you Lord Jesus, this girl is long winded") I will post again after our appointment with all the latest in what is actually going on with us from a "Fertility" standpoint!