When I first started on this journey, seeing a pregnant person, going into the baby section of any store, watching television shows that consist of babies or labor/delivery....It all made me very sad. I can remember shopping for my nephew Kolten when he was born and prior to him being born, and just cry and cry every time I would get home or get in the car for that matter. Brandon would always ask me what was wrong. I would usually never answer him. For I knew that he would not understand the pain I felt in my heart, the longing I had for a baby of my very own. Over the last 4 and a half years I have pretty much stayed out of Babies R Us. I went into Buy Buy Baby when Kolten was born and bought a few things but it was a fast trip, in and out quickly. I have had a few people tell me that buying things for their unborn child helped them get through the pain of not conceiving at the time. I have been skeptical because I was so afraid I would 'jinx" our chances of conceiving.
Well, today marked my second time going to Babies R Us and not coming out and having a meltdown in the car. The first time I went was with my Mom a few weeks ago. We went alone and spent an hour and half just looking at everything in the store (and I mean EVERYTHING!!) We had a blast!! I told Mom that day that I wanted to bring Brandon back to look with me. Have some bonding time (I guess). So today we decided to go to Belk and to Babies R Us. Brandon, Mom and myself. Mom bought 2 little newborn sleepers from Belk for me to put up and have when the time comes. We bought one boy and one girl sleeper! I must say this is a huge step for me (Praise the Lord). I have been so depressed and sad over
"baby" things in the past and never would've bought anything to just put up and save for when God blesses us with a little one! I never would've went to Babies R Us 4 years ago (not unless to buy something for someone else).
Without prayer and lots of it, I never would have been able to take this step. I thank God daily for all of the advancements we are making each and every day. For all of the details he is adding to our journey and to His ultimate plan for us! My verse for today is Isaiah 41:13 "For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.' "
Sometimes it is hard to see that what we fear is merely petty things. Being afraid is a wasted feeling. God specifically says that we should not be afraid, for He is with us!! I am still a work in progress with my faith and understanding of God's word. But I am seeing a big difference in our journey, ever since I have started praying differently, thinking differently and doing differently. God does not want us to suffer. He does not want us to be afraid or fearful of things. Alot of times, at least for myself, these things are much easier said than done. I am quick to be afraid of a situation or have anxiety about a situation. However, I just need to focus more on being faithful and believe that God will prevail in all situations if and only if, I am faithful to Him!
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